Tuesday Night Mayhem
by Wishes and Words and Etcetera
Summary: Alice is making Bella a shirt. And Bella is not as thankful as she should be, R&R. AH AU OOC, Possible deleted scene from School Projects universe, if you pretend the ending doesn't happen.


A/N: I was going to put this as a possible School Projects deleted scene... Then I wrote the end. Yeah, so no, it's not connected to it at all, unless you want to cut the end off. Which you could do, I suppose. Based off of last night, where almost everything happened. Most of it, really. I put my parts as Alice, and the completely insane Maggie Summers as Bella. They're slightly OOC. Because it's not really based on their characters. The ending is my prediction for the next day. Which is today. I'll see if any of the ending actually happens, and if so! I shall tell you all in the review reply, so review, review, review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, oddly. However, I do own Maggie Summer's soul if she doesn't wear the wonderful shirt I made her today.

-No Title Yet-

Peculiar music floated through the air as two girls sat in a basement room, their feet tapping abstractly against the cement floor. One, a small girl with cropped, dark hair, sat in front of a sewing machine, wearing a strange outfit or an oversized sweater and black leggings atop fishnets. The other sat glumly in a corner, her long brown hair in a massive bun at the very top of her head, being pushed to the side once her measurements had been taken. Her shirt fit awkwardly over her frame, as it had been taken on and off multiple times, not for pleasure as one might think, but to measure the size of her tiny waist and curvy hips; her chest leaving a little to be desired, if she were to pursue the career of a pin up model.

The short girl pushed her eyebrows together as she noticed the silence the music had disguised. She stopped sewing the garment, which at the moment, looked like a brown sack.

"What's wrong Bella?" The girl asked, sighing, and taking her large hazel eyes away from the needle. The girl with the long brown hair sighed dramatically as well, throwing her arms up in the air and slouching down in the chair.

"Edward has avoided speaking to me for," She checked her watch, "Nearly twenty hours. He ignored me all day today, never even smiling like he occasionally used to." She pouted, pushing out her pink lower lip. "Oh, Alice, what if he hates me? Oh, if that were to be the case, I fear I might perish!"

"If that is the case," Alice exclaimed, pulling a crimson tin out of seemingly nowhere, although it might have been a slight of hand, whipping open the aluminum box to show squares of deep brown sweet cocoa goodness, full to the top with caffeine and sugar, "Have a chocolate!"

Faced with Alice's beaming expression, and her own desires, Bella had nearly no other option but to graciously accept the gift of candy.

"Why, thank you ever so much, Alice," Bella said, elegantly picking out a creamy, caramel filled chocolate, melting a little bit against the heat of the pad of her fingers. "I shall cherish this gift for as long as I may remember, hopefully until my dying day, or I should-"

Alice cut her off. "Just eat the goddammned chocolate, Bella."

Bella graciously obliged, sitting back into her chair, savoring the sweet and dangerous taste of dark chocolate and caramel, a surprising layer of nuts near the top, her taste buds marveling.

Less than 10 minutes later, all of the chocolates were gone. The glorious tin lay discarded and forgotten on the floor, and chocolate stained Bella's lips like blood. Her normally composed face was distorted with lust. Not lust for Edward, not a strange and onset lesbianistic lust for her best friend, but a new craving, something never felt by Bella before.

A lust for chocolate.

Alice had also eaten a bit of a chocolate, but then was once more distracted by the hideous brown sack she was making for her friend. Her chocolate had been quickly taken by Bella, and devoured within seconds. Alice sat, unbeknownst to her friends new obsession, attempting to sew attractive patterns onto the hem, and miserably failing, as this was only her third time using a sewing machine, which was affectionately nicknamed 'Turbo 911'.

Bella crouched in the corner for around the amount of time that toasting a poptart may take, before exploding. Not literally, or into a ball of fire, but in the way someone with anger issues would explode if someone took their seat on the bus.

"Alice!" Bella bellowed, jumping out of her designated chair, "Do you have any more of that magical food! I must have! I must eat!" Bella fell to her knees, crawling towards Alice. "I… Must…"

Alice looked down at her friend with concern, but then her eye was caught by a pink ribbon. _Aha_, Alice thought, _perfect to cinch in the waist_, mysteriously thinking that the sack even had a waist. "Um," Alice said, distracted, "I think we have some chocolate chips in the kitchen."

Within seconds, Bella was back, clutching a jar of chocolate chips. "I was fast," Bella said excitedly, shoving handfuls of chocolate chips into her mouth, and occasionally down her shirt, "I was speedy like a vampire!"

Alice looked over to her with concern again, an emotion that was beginning to become prevalent in her dealings with her friend. "A vampire?" Alice asked, confused.

"If you ever read anything outside of encyclopedias, you'd know what I was talking about!" Bella said, speaking in a quick pace, that she might have considered vampire speed.

"Of course," Alice said trailing off as she noticed a box of buttons. "Buttons…" Alice said, nearly moaning the word as she grasped for them, scooping up the beautiful jewel-like fasteners.

"Excuse me?" Bella asked, who was beginning to vibrate like she had… well, you get the point.

---

_One more stitch, _Alice thought, slowly trying to sew a square patch of lace where the belly button would be, if her shirt would ever actually fit on a human, _just one more stitch._

She felt something poke her in the back. She ignored it, intent on finishing the line of stitches before losing her focus. She started to put her foot against the pedal, to start to needle moving.

The thing poked her again. She whirled around, anger flashing in her lovely eyes, which were always a conversation starter in grocery store line ups. Bella giggled.

Bella was holding a paintbrush, her fingers curled around the bristles, the end only inches away from Alice's very nose, dangerously close to a mortal injury, on either part.

Alice's eyes narrowed contemptuously at Bella's erratic laughter, louder and more high pitched than it usually was. Bella poked her in the nose, and Alice's anger flared to life, as did Turbo 911, as the needle sprinted across the brown fabric in a diagonal line, leaving a trail as bright as sapphires, stitching together far more than was needed.

Bella's laughter ceased as Alice looked at the sudden life in her machine, hurriedly pulling the plug from the wall socket, before realizing that her foot had been pressed against the pedal.

Alice looked down at Bella, expecting apologies, to receive the sight of Bella on the floor, rolling on the floor with soundless laughter, her eyes clenched shut as if she couldn't handle to see the world anymore, tears leaking out the corners.

----

Alice's shoulders ached, as she pulled the stitch-ripper through the loops of the blue thread, stress from her unfinished homework, her lack of (sane) friends, and the fact that the love of her life, Jasper Whitlock, was acting strange again, staring into her eyes more than normal, trailing off at the end of sentences while staring at her mouth, but still acting like they were just friends. She wiped sweat off her brow, and continued to work.

Something very hot, and very soft touched the back of her neck. She froze.

"It is me," A deep and manly voice said, gruff with lack of oxygen. "Flying Whale. I am a werewolf. I am an Indian. I am politically incorrect." The manly edge to the voice weakened as the sentences wore on, eventually showing itself to be very feminine indeed.

The intense heat of whatever was on the back of her neck, started to fade, leaving a nice warmth.

"What the beep is that?" Alice said, afraid to turn around.

"I told you," the not-so-manly voice said, "It's my hand. I'm a werewolf. 'Nuff said."

"What on earth does having a warm hand have to do with- oh my god." Alice said, startling revelation coming into her voice after confusion. "You didn't touch the iron, did you?" She looked over, and saw the iron usually only for fabric, sitting on the ironing board, on full heat.

She grabbed Bella's hand and started to look for burns as Bella began laughing maniacally. "It's not funny Bella, you could have hurt yourself!" Alice cried, before looking up at Bella's face twisted into mirth as she waved a perfectly creased piece of fabric above her head, which, coincidentally, had a few pieces of fabric tied into it, along with a tassel most commonly used for drapes.

"I'm just kidding!" Bella choked out between laughter, "I'm not a werewolf at all!"

---

Alice was hemming the shirt, one of the last things to do, nearly three hours after starting this infernal project. Bella leaned over her shoulder, the tassel swaying near her ear like a confused bumble bee.

"You know that I'm never going to wear this shirt, right?" Bella asked nicely, popping a stray chocolate chip into her mouth from the stash in her bra.

That was then Alice attacked her with a common sewing implement, using Bella as she had previously only used a pincushion.

---

Alice was distracted, again, removing all the lace, and replacing it with corduroy. Bella sat in front of the iron and was talking to herself, a newly common habit.

"But I want to," She said to herself, lowering her face to the iron to feel the heat before she pulled away. "But I mustn't." She looked gravely at the object of her desires, and said firmly, "No."

"Ohh, but I want to," She said, before collapsing in a heap of sobs and sadness.

"That is it," Alice said, between the pins held between her teeth. "I am never letting you have chocolate again."

---

Bella stood up, towering over her tiny friend, who she was now affectionately calling Beezlebub. She was draped in the brown sack of a shirt, now covered in pink ties, teal thread and ivory buttons, but not real ivory, as Alice was fully against animal slaughter, as she had been a vegetarian for the better part of three days.

Bella grinned to herself, her eyes tracing patterns on the ceiling as a junkie might have done with the starry skies while their blood ran thick with crack. She began humming a song to herself, a tune both unrecognizable by all spectators, and possibly not a real song at all.

Alice tied the pink sash multiple times around her waist, which was ballooned out due to faulty measuring, somehow getting the waist and the hip measurements backwards.

Bella seemed happy, and she beamed at her friend. "I like this, Beeze," She said, swaying side to side with cosmetic joy. She touched the red headband Alice had made quickly, to distract Bella, using only red brocade and a knot she had learned in girl guides.

"You're wearing this tomorrow." Alice said, readjusting her bow on the back.

"Of course," Bella said serenely, the sugar and caffeine balancing out her emotions perfectly for the time being.

"The shirt." Alice clarified.

"The shirt?" Bella repeated, looking down in confusement. "Oh, the shirt." She played with the strings of her headband. "Sure, I'll wear that too. I'd be glad to wear an Alice Original," She said, happily staring off into space.

"Damn right it's an original," Alice said, muttering to herself, "I'm never going to make that again."

"What was that?" Bella asked, stroking the top of her headband abstractly.

"Nothing."

---

Bella had long since take off the shirt, the headband still securely wrapped around her head. She all of a sudden saw a light switch. Not just any light switch, but one that she needed to touch. She needed to flick the switch. And it was near the iron, which was still on, which was also quite alluring.

She reached out with one hand, and grabbed ahold of the light switch firmly, before becoming aware of a sizzling sensation on her wrist, which accompanied a scent that reminded her of bacon.

"Oh bloody hell," Alice said with a sudden British accent.

Hot tears ran down Bella's cherubic cheeks as she raised her eyes to the heavens, cradling her injured arm as she fell to the ground, knocking the iron over, which quickly started a small fire, thankfully, not burning the lovely shirt.

"Goodbye, cruel world," Bella said, as she sank to the ground in a puddle of her own grief.

"Oh bloody hell," Alice said again.

---

Bella waved her bandaged wrist proudly in front of Alice's face.

"I look like I attempted suicide, but epically failed at it, because it's not even on the right veins!" Bella chirped, happiness restored as the pain faded.

"Congratulations Bella," Alice said, grinning up at her friend. Her smile soon faded though. "Wear the shirt," She growled, as she pushed Bella out the door, with a poptart, and a new injury.

---

The Next Day At School

Alice peeked around the corner, but all she could see was Edward, wearing an Easter-egg shade of blue on a checkered sweater, which she would never even let a five year old girl wear, without feeling embarrassed for them.

He seemed to enjoy his sweater, as he leaned back on nothing, a skill that takes quite a bit of effort, a half-smile on his face, as he talked to his favorite girl, wearing his favorite sweater, which really was quite hideous.

"That's nice," He said intelligently, using his long, pale fingers to point at the girl in front of him. A high girlish giggle followed, and Alice prayed it wasn't Bella, only to be let down ever so much.

"Thank you," her distinctive voice said. "It's an Alice Original."

Pride swelled in Alice's chest, as she thought of all the painstaking labor put into that beautiful, beautiful garment. Oh, all the effort would be worth it if Bella liked it.

She leaped out from behind her faulty vantage point, to see Bella wearing her shirt, which she swore to wear, only to be very confused. Bella had the red headband tied atop her long brown wavy hair, but she didn't see the shirt.

"Why do you have your sweater zipped up all the way?" Edward asked casually, his eyes drifting down to an inappropriate zone for staring.

Alice leaped at Bella, grabbing her zipper, and dragging it down with all her might, falling to her knees with the effort.

"Because all of my shirts were dirty," Bella explained, not noticing that her shirt-less state had been exposed to the entire school, and the boy that she, strangely, loved. Alice knelt at her feet, blushing a little.

"All I had was this sweater, or this really ugly shirt, which I don't remember buying, but I have no recollection of what had happened last nig-" Bella was cut off by Edward's lips meeting hers, his hands seeking refuge in her sweater.

He dragged her off the scene by the mouth, into the janitor's closet, which also was the ice maker, which possibly could come in handy later on in the unedited part of this story.

Alice stood to her feet, dejection and embarrassment coloring her cheeks.

But all was okay, for Jasper The Epic came by and fell to his knees, causing them both to be at the same height, awkwardly.

"Alice, I saw what you did, and it's okay. I find it endearing that you ripped off your friend's clothes in the hallway. I also liked the headband you made. It caused my toes to curl in a way I never thought would be enjoyable." And with a wild gasp, he tilted her mouth to meet his, and fireworks exploded. Again, not literal. More like, her fingers knotted in his hair and something may have happened in his pants.

With her face still mashed against Jasper's, she said, "You should have seen the shirt."

And they all lived happily after, Edward and Bella with their strange fashion sense, and Jasper and Alice with their fireworks and lack of meat in their diet.

The End.

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